In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
as a side note pls kill me
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