Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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