it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
