Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
