I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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