A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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