My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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