We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
