My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
