we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
