why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize