Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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