College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
