it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How does one acquire holy water?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
