the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
