I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
