I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
