Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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