It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
