You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
