I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
