I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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