my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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