6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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