Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
