yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
