I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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