Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
