I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
