Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can tuck mytits in my pants
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
