How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
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nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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