So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
