I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
