I just saw a hot homeless man
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
