I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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