you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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