you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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