Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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