Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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