Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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