Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
