I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
