Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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