she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
