Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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