can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
