i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
