Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize