I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
