my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
