I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
