and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
