We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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