Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
