one two three fourrrrnication!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
