I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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