How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
