so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
