new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
pray to the hookup gods
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
