dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I won the penis lottery.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
