Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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