First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
