Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
