Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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