so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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