EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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