his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
