my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
