You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
