Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dignity is for republicans.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
