could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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