All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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