glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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