did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
