She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
