I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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