..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
