yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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