I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
