Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
