if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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