how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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