I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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