I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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