I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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