I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
